Fatherly Love

It's crazy how much more aware of your relationships you become when you go abroad. People that meant a lot back home find their place among the very important or time-justifyingly distant. But, when it comes to family there is nothing but awe (at least in the case of myself) for how much perspective you are given on your relationships with them and their impact on your life.

Recently, a distant cousin of my father passed away. Now I have no idea how this works in other families, but for my father, such events mean sending an email with some general background on what happened, and how we are related to the person. So this distant cousin who my sisters and I barely remember got an email. But in this email, my father proceeded to give us not only the history of how we were related to her but also his memory of her. He wrote of her joy and enthusiasm for life, as well as her general goodness to those around her. Simple words; but unendingly powerful.

I have always respected my dad, but today I was brought to tears by that email. That this funny, crazy father of mine, has underneath all of his ridiculousness a deep kindness and caring for those around him. I cannot quite put into words the loving intensity that I found in that simple email. That, upon hearing the news one of his is first thoughts was to take the time to write out a letter to his daughters so that we too, could hear the story of her passing and know that though she my be a relative stranger, a good woman was gone.

His note made me hope for two things. One is to both be and marry someone one day with that depth of kindness. Someone that sees the beauty in the people around them and wants to share it with others. And two, I hope I may live a life worthy of such an email one day. That when I pass on some distant friend or relative upon getting the news conjures up thoughts of my joy and enthusiasm. That I may bring some sort of light to the lives of others and that if nothing else I stand as a reminder to them of some good time and the wonder that is this world around us.

My dad finshed his email to us girls with this thought:

"So--live to the fullest.  Be good and be happy.  If you ever have to choose between the two, be good. 

             love,  Dad"

And that dad, is exactly what I intend. Thank you for the reminder.

'If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge,and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.' 1 Corinthians 13:1-3

                                                        

The Adventures of Kaye, Meg and Bessie: The 3 Best Friends That Anyone Could Have

So, given our ridiculous experiences with our lovely Ford Falcon Bessie, Meg and I decided to write a manual on how to deal with our good friend. So, here you are.

The Official Guide on How to Handle Bessie

1. DO NOT lock the driver's side door. (Or really any of them)

2. ALWAYS leave driver's side window down--the handle doesn't work

3. If you break down...pull over quick, cause the hazard lights don't work

4. Wash your windows down at fuel stops, as the wiper fluid doesn't work

5. If the driver side window gets stuck, roll back down then up again. She'll be 'right.

6. There's a wooden stick in the boot of the car to keep the boot up. Don't lose it.

7. A/C doesn't work. So keep those windows rolled down and enjoy the breeze!

8. DO NOT turn on the heater--car will overheat. (yes we realize this is the OPPOSITE
 of what should happen. Bessie is not a normal car.)

9. If car stalls out, leave her for 30 min to cool down

10. If driving for a while DO NOT turn off unless staying somewhere for 45 min or more.

11. Before turning the car off make SURE you're exactly where you want to be, because you won't be leaving for a while

12. She runs best on the tens. (100, 110, 120..etc.)

13. Be gentle with the center arm rest, the top falls off

14. Be gentle with the glove box, it can fall out.

15. Be gentle when closing the boot, the light can break if slammed.

16. She has an oil leak...there's oil in the boot for ya

17. No jack included...so don't get a flat.

18. When fueling, find the sweet spot on the pump or she will stop fueling

 

19. Boot button is tempermental. Press her a few times to get her to open.

20. Cigarette lighter doesn't work...so charge anythign you have at caravan parks

21. Don't get pulled over by police. The wheels are bald as hell.

22. Be gentle when offroading, as the crack in the windshield is growing

23. When finished fueling, don't press petrol flap in too far as it will get stuck

24. Lever for bonnet has snapped, now it's just a metal bar sticking out

25. She's shaky, but she runs and we love her. We're sure you will too!

Love Unexpectedly

This is actually an old note that i found...that has absolutely nothing to do with Cairo...BUT i didn't want to lose it and thought it was worth sharing. So here we are. My apologies for the random post.

“Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.”- Romans 12:4-5

Interesting isn’t it? Think about this for a moment. Now you could interpret this in a few different ways but let me point out just one. We are ONE BODY…meaning we are meant to WORK TOGETHER. We may work in different ways but whatever we do is to be for the BENEFIT of the ONE BODY. I know that seems like something that has been preached over and over but lately i've really struggled with the realization that I haven't quite got this idea full through my head yet.

We as Christians are called to:

1. Love one another ---John 13:34-35
2. Love unexpectedly---Matt 5:46
3. LOVE.

We are called as Christians to be the hands and feet of Christ. We are a part of the ONE BODY of Christ with the mission of spreading the amazing news we have to others. But far too often, I miss that call. I hear it. But I'm not listening.

There’s a quote I rather like that says: “you may be the only Bible that some people ever read”. Mull that over will you? YOU may be the ONLY BIBLE that some people EVER read. It is incredible and terrifying. We have been called to  live a life in which we are acting out the will of God. Did you catch that? Yeah, that’s what we signed up for.

So what am I getting at?

1. We are one body who is supposed to work in a way that is beneficial for the whole.
2. We are the hands and feet of God and thus our actions should reflect that

Not in every case, but in many, Christians (myself included) have not stepped up to the task. When people are living through everything that is wrong in the world, God wants to meet. But so often, God works through us. So, while it may seem obvious and simple, we need to remember what we are being called to do: Love. Love unexpectedly. Love the way Christ loved us. Matthew 5:46 says “If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that?” We are to love UNEXPECTEDLY. Love when no one else will. It’s not always easy and it’s bound to be frightening from time to time but God will see us through as we love others to Him. THAT is what is beneficial for the whole. Loving others into the light of Christ.

I have watched hearts crushed and turned away based on the inability on the part of the body of Christ to match actions to words. It is heart wrenching to watch people looking away from Christ based on the actions of His followers. And yet, it happens all the time.

So, in the end, I guess this is just a simple reminder to myself and whoever else happens to stumble upon it...


Love. Love joyfully, love abundantly, love unexpectedly.
People need it. We all need it.

1 John 4:19

Joyful in Hope

Alright ya'll so this is a bit random, but I HAVE to put it down. I read a Psalm this morning about fear and it's been on my mind all day. I'm thinking God wants me to get something through my head considering that's what we talked about in class today as well=] gahh such a good day. But before I start, I just want to point out that if you go through Psalms, Isaiah, Matthew (or any of the gospels), check out how many times it says "do not worry", or "do not be anxious" or "do not fear". Worrying isn't something I do often, but when I do...I worry like it's my job. Unfortunately, that's probably not the best thing for me. So it's nice to know that God is constantly trying to remind us not to freak out over every small thing.

Hah, okay that was the first lesson I learned today. The second is a bit longer....so have fun!=]

Over and over again as I read through the Psalms two things have jumped out at me. David either feels alone and writes about his need of God or he's joyous in hope. Wait. Scratch that. He's always joyous in hope. THAT'S what's I've been loving about this so much. Whether David feels as if he's on top of the world, or is freaking out because he's got people after him, he always ends with a desire to praise God.

People have been asking me forever why I seem happy all the time. Well, first off....i'm not. Let's be honest, I obviously can't be happy all the time. That would be ridiculous and honestly...don't we need some bad to enjoy the good all the more? Anyways, secondly I'm happy because I know the same God as David. I see the same joy he did in everything. Reading through the Psalms has (and continues to be) like reading my own thoughts written down. I just went through Psalm 43 and ya'll it ended marvelously. The last verse of it is by far my favorite.

"Why, my soul are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God." Psalm 43:8

ahhh I love it. I know this feeling so well. Some days just generally suck. I struggle, i'm late to class, I fail, and nothing seems to go my way. Sometimes it's not me. Some days, terrible things happen and you just feel alone. Days when nothing helps and everything hurts. Those days it's insanely easy for me to imagine God has completely abandoned me to the cynicism and anger of this world. For David, that happens numerous times throughout the Psalms. I can't tell you how many times I've read "rescue me", "remember me", or "where are you". But, in all of that he constantly returns to the realization that God hasn't abandoned him. Yes, times are hard. Yes, people will hate you. Yes, sometimes life is terrible. But, God uses that. God doesn't want you to be in pain. He doesn't want to see you hurt or suffer. But, when life throws that at you...God will use that for your good (Romans 8:28). God has plans for people and whatever happens, the end will be for something greater than I ever planned. I know that even when I'm the cause of my own problems, God sees that. He knows that and helps me regardless.

Knowing that, gives me more joy than I can possibly express in words. My soul does NOT need to be downcast. I can be joyful in knowing that there is always someone there for me and always something more to hope for. You know those moments in life when you're so excited about something you can't contain yourself? Times when you're grinning like a fool or can't help but laugh/scream/jump. That is what it feels like to be in this relationship with God. The more I read about him, the more I talk to him, the more I want to, the more I fall in love with Jesus. The best part? I know i'm not the only one in this boat. Whenever David talks about being joyful in God, he talks about singing praise. He knows this feeling. He knows that when you love someone you want to shout it out to everyone and sometimes, that means freaking out and singing out your lungs...other times it means laughing about whether or not angels/God are laughing at you (Bethany=]). David knew, and I feel it now. When crap happens to me I need not fear. I have someone to listen to me, help me, guide me, comfort me when no one else can. Hah. that's why I got the Isaiah 41:10 tattoo right? I needed a reminder so that next time the world throws something that seems unbearable my way, I remember this.

"Do not fear for I am with you.
Do not Dismay for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you.
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
Isaiah 41:10

God not only is there for me....he's freaking gonna take his time helping me. Yeah. I think I can deal with that. So yes, like David, in bad times all I can say is this: "I will YET praise Him, my Savior and my God."

The End. For Now...

Okay, so I'm a terrible person. I apologize for not posting more often near the end. I'll try to do better when I head off onto my next adventure this Spring=] But, for now, i'll fill you in on the past few weeks and how the best summer of my life ended.

The last few weeks were incredible. Lots of awesomeness including but not limited to: An epic battle on the beach using cardboard shields and foam noodle swords(CHECK IT OUT HERE), a night of dancing outside,  a water slide into the bay, country western dancing at a dance hall about an hour away, our final FNL with the theme of $5 prom (which of course brought out the insanity in everyone=]), a wonderful night of love at the student farewell banquet, a final night of worship and reflection on the beach and a night of laughter and craziness the night that everyone left.

the last day of project went something like this:
6:30 am --wake up
7am-12pm--CLEAN EVERYTHING
12-2pm --Sporadic lunch eating
2pm-6pm--Hanging out and waiting for food
6pm-- DINNER
7pm--Last Night of Reflection
8pm--Worship on the Beach
10pm-7am--Hang out, Nom on whatever we can find, and say goodbye to everyone that's leaving
8am--there are 8 people left and we had our last meal consisting of sparkling lemonade, frozen fruit, sherbet, and whatever else we found left in the fridge of Condo 1
9am--the last of us are shuttled to the airport
12:30pm--the 4 of us left at the airport end up heading our separate ways
1pm--Kaye Finally gets some sleep

It was a night of laughter, fun, joy, lack of sleep and tears as we said goodbye. But I know that regardless of what happens in the rest of our lives I'm going to get to enjoy hanging out with them for the rest of eternity=]

Since there's no way i'll be able to remember everything I did in the past 3 weeks, here's a synopsis of what I learned:

1. Approval
I have to stop looking at others for approval and God smacked me over the head with that every day the last week or so. He is the only one I need approval from and because of Christ, I already have it. So why search for it from anyone else??

2. Forgiveness
One of the biggest things God asked of me in the last few weeks is to forgive someone in my life that had truly hurt me and it was by far the hardest thing I did on project. After I forgave him I really felt God calling me to ask him to forgive me for holding it against him. Let me just say that it's a miracle that he could even understand what I was saying between all my crying. But, per usual, God ended this story exactly how we both needed it to and our relationship is stronger than ever. Never again will I underestimate the power of pride to hold us back and the power of forgiveness to heal.

3. Reality
With the end of project looming it was really scary to face the idea of coming back to reality. We'd been in this Christian bubble for so long that it was getting crazy to think we'd have to face the real world at school in not too long. God's been so faithful this summer in providing me with a community to lean on, learn from and grow with and now He's sending me (and everyone else) out to create that same community wherever we go. While it is a little disheartening to think that going back to school there will be an onslaught of people wondering why I spent my summer the way I did and thinking it was a waste of time, it's also exciting to think of what God's going to do once I get back there. I have another good girlfriend who went on Summer Project elsewhere and we've already talked about some things we're looking at bringing back to UVA. Then, one of the awesome guys from project texted me to let me know that there are some girls at school that he really wants me to try and get connected to the Christian community at UVA. God's faithfulness endures forever (psalm 117:2)!! Being home now, I can already see what a difference this summer has made in my life. To think that a few months ago I thought I was pretty solid in my walk and this summer completely blew that preconception out of the water. There is always something left to learn and I cannot wait to see where God leads me in this coming year.

4. Dedication
Okay, so this one's here for a few reasons. First, it's something I have really felt God calling me to and second, I need people to hold me accountable so here's my confession to the world. For the next year, it's me and God. I really want to dedicate a year to TRULY getting to know my creator. This summer was only the beginning of me realizing how immense His love for us is and I can't wait to grow in that truth over the next year. In fact I think God set this year up for just that purpose. I went on a summer mission trip I didn't expect to, changed a ton, am taking it back to school to help a community of believers grow and then spending my spring semester abroad. How is that God ordained?? How about the fact that after I spend a semester pouring out as much as I can all that I've learned this summer and been poured into by my discipler and small groups in an entirely new way, i'll be going to a country that NEEDS to be poured into and in doing so forced to fully rely on God. In Deuteronomy 8:2 it talks about how god led the Israelites through desert to humble them and test them to know what was in their heart. Well, we're all going to have deserts time and time again in our lives and I think this study abroad is going to be my next major desert. But, God also says that he will not allow us to be tempted beyond our ability (1 corinth 10:13). He will be there as I go off on my own this spring to jump to my rescue and stand by me as my faith is tested again and again. Life is trial by fire and i'm excited to see what God has in store!=]
DEDICATION OF THIS YEAR TO GOD COMMENCES.....NOW.

5. Obligation
okay, so this was a much more recent discovery but I just want to share it with everyone. Romans 8:12-14 says....

Therefore, brothers and sisters, we have an obligation—but it is not to the flesh, to live according to it. 13 For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live.
14 For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God.

Read that again. We have an OBLIGATION. We are not just asked to live by the spirit but OBLIGATED to do so. When I first read that I had to stop a second and consider that. How are we obligated to follow the spirit? What about grace?

So let's lay out a scenario. You go to the bakery and buy a beautiful, decidedly delicious looking cake, but, as soon as you get home and take a bite you find out that its stale inside. How annoying is that? You were so excited to enjoy your evening with some friggin good cake and it ends up stale. We expect to get what we pay for! When we buy something we want it to be everything we hoped and when it's not then (in this case) the bakery hasn't held up it's end of the bargain of providing a good that met the standards of what we paid for. So how does this connect to Romans?

Of course God is going to forgive us for anything we do to further separate ourselves from Him, because that's what he promised when He sent Christ to die for us. So what did we promise when we accepted that sacrifice? We promised to not do what we'd done before. We promised to lean on him for our needs. We promised to trust His word. We promised to follow after Him with all of our heart, soul, mind and strength (Mark 12:30). That's what God paid for and when we decide to give our lives to Him we're saying we're going to try to give God what He paid for. In the case of this passage it's saying God bought us so that we would lean on the spirit and follow Him and NOT the ways of this world. So are we as Christians holding up our end of the bargain? Are we meeting our obligations of leaning on the spirit in any and everything?

Are we going to meet our end all the time? No. Of course not. We're human and God knows that we'll slip back into our old ways time and time again. So, he gives us grace through Christ to return time and time again.     But, on that same token accepting that someone died so that you may live and not attempting to live up to that type of love is ridiculous. God's love is a crazy love and our only obligation is to accept that and to attempt to follow Him to the best of our ability. I'd say we got the better end of that deal=]

insanity. God is awesome and I love when He absolutely overwhelms me with truth like that=] So here I am raising a glass (figuratively of course, I'll do it for real in November) to my attempt to live up to my obligation as a Daughter of the King!
Psalms 103:1-5

Created by Yahweh

I wish I was better at these posts but there's always too much to tell and half the time it's impossible to describe what's going on. So I apologize for the consistent lateness and length of these posts. Here are the highlights of the past week:

July 4th!

For the 4th of July we had a BBQ near the Bay where we live. We all made dishes, had lots of games going (football, death hack, frisbee, soccer, you name it), and were able to invite people we had met throughout the week, whether that be coworkers, students on campus or just people at the beach. It was an awesome night of food, hanging out, and getting to watch 5 different fireworks shows over a bay. It was also just an amazing reminder of how much God has blessed all of us in giving us the chance to be here. 

July 7-10
So, on the 7th we had women's night and being that this was our first women's time without staff, one of the girls got to speak. Ya'll, I WISH I had her talk to give to people. She spoke about being created in the image of Christ, but instead of talking about how it's what's inside that matters and that's how we're created in the image of Christ, she talked about looks. It was FABULOUS. Honestly I wish I could send it to every girl I know. And heck, guys for that matter. She came at it from the perspective of an artist and it was quite possibly the best talk on image that i've EVER heard. Honestly I'd love to discuss it further with people. So if you all are interested let me know. I'd love to freak out about it a little more=] Anyways, the REASON I wanted to tell you all about this is to set up how awesome God has been this week. Body image is not something i've ever felt like i really struggled with but after hearing that talk God completely called me out on some areas that I do struggle with it in a totally different way. (Part 1)

THEN, the next evening another friend spoke at FNL about freedom from the sins that hold us back from growing in our faith. Well, because of the talk the night before I knew exactly what that sin was for me and was wrestling with it throughout the talk. It was honestly one of the harder talks I've listened to while being here for a few reasons and completely God ordained.

Finally, on Sunday, our pastor talked about how so often we attempt to take the sins that we struggle with and change ourselves for the better and just end up getting frustrated because nothing happens. Surprise, surprise that's exactly  where I was at while listening. But he just spoke on how we cannot change ourselves and have to give it up to God because only he can change our hearts. It was awesome to watch God work in those 3 days and take me from recognition of my sin, to realizing it doesn't have to hold sway over me forever, to realizing that I cannot change myself on my own. Sometimes you just have to look a little harder to see how God's working=]

EXTRAS
 When we went to UCSD this Monday some awesome conversations took place. First, on the bus, my friend Vic and I started talking to this older gentlemen who i SWEAR might be the world's most successful man. his name was Rye and he was born and raised in San Diego, his father was in the Navy and died in the Battle of Midway. He himself was in the marines for a bit, then worked at NASA and then owned an airport for a bit. He married a woman from New Zealand and retired there but is an attorney and currently working on a major case in the federal courts about water company corruption in California, while simultaneously writing the screenplay for a movie called The Battle of Midway (2014) starring Harrison Ford and directed by George Lucas. He's then been requested to possibly help work on a screenplay for a movie called Sharpen your Knives about a woman who gives up everything to go to culinary school abroad. His daughter happens to be a Professor of Chinese at Stanford and his son is a doctor. No big deal. He's just the world's most interesting man. Oh, and did I mention he was a super legit Christian? No? Oh yeah, well he was. If nothing else, the people we get to talk to here are incredible and hearing their stories is one of the absolute best things about sharing our faith.

Later we also got to talk to agirl named Monica and a guy named Daniel, though neither were Christian both believed in God and were so open and willing to talk to us about faith. At the end of our conversation with Monica she even asked whether or not we needed suggestions of good places to go to find people to talk to and pointed us in the right direction! God uses people, even if they're not aware of it. Daniel on the other hand was interesting because he was ridiculously knowledgeable about many things and was definitely searching for God and wanted to find out about religions and who people thought God was. His family and girlfriend are all Christian and so we're just praying that God works through them and continues to draw Daniel towards himself.

Last night I went downtown with some friends and we just all hung out, watched a movie and generally enjoyed chilling out somewhere that wasn't La Jolla, Santa Clara, Old Town or Mission Bay. It was great=] Tonight my prayer team has organized a Concert of Prayer and although i'm a bit nervous it should go over really well and I can't wait to see how God uses it. Tomorrow a bunch of friends and I are going to the San Diego Zoo!! I'm unbearably excited=] I LOVE zoos! Anyways, so that's pretty much my life thus far this past week. I love you all and cannot wait to catch up with everyone when I get back!

Isaiah 40:28-31

Set a Fire Down in my Soul that I can't Contain, that I can't Control...

SO much has happened in the past week that I've wanted to put out there for ya'll, but I just haven't been able to  figure out how I'd put it all into words. Well, I still haven't figured that out but I've decided I should at least attempt, so here we are. So I'll just a list a few of the awesome things that happened...

Women's Retreat
Last weekend we had men and women's retreats. So traditionally, when the guys leave the girls do somemthing fun for them as they return and then the gents reciprocate. So, the guys left on thursday and came back friday night to banners, food, letters of encouragement and just an absurd amount of decoration in Man-Land (where the boys live here at project).

Then, all of us ladies got to leave that evening and we returned on Sunday. We like to assume that the reason our retreat was longer was to give the guys more time to think about what they'd do for us=] I'll be honest, when we left for the retreat I wasn't super excited. I tend to have a lot more fun hanging out with guys than I do with girls and even though I ADORE all the amazing women i've met here at project it was hard to convince myself that it was going to be all that fun. WRONG. Women's retreat was AMAZING. I got to know so many more of the girls here and made some great new girlfriends. They took us to a campground in the middle of the desert with a sweet playground (fastest slide i've ever been on), an obstacle course and a pool. I can't talk about everything that went on, but suffice it to say that it was an incredible retreat and by the end I wished we could stay longer. However, as soon as we got home we couldn't have been happier o be back=] The boys had cleaned the main rooms of our apartments, left us flowers and a big bowl of chocolates. Then,  to top it off they had invited us to a formal, "Welcome Home Dinner". So, that evening we all got to dress up, be escorted to tables, served Stromboli (made from scratch might I add), salad and dessert by the lovely gents. It was such a fun evening and definitely a wonderful welcome home=]

At the Women's retreat

One of our servers=]

Leadership Roles
One of the coolest things about Summer Project is the fact that half way through the summer, the staff leave. The idea is that much like Jesus did to his disciples, the staff teach us what we need to know about how to lead and do things on our own here and then leave us to go out and live it. So, at the beginning of project we are split up into different ministry teams. Each team is led by 2 staff members--one guy and one girl. Then we have 4 people that are head of the project overall. So, when the staff leave others have to fill those roles and students take on those leadership positions and become the summer project leadership team. I'm on the Prayer and World Vision ministry team. Which, is already God giving me a second chance since I was asked to think about leading the Prayer Group at school and ended up deciding not to. God has an amazing sense of humor. Well, about a week ago my DNA (small group) leader, Beth, came up to me and asked me whether i'd like to accept the role of the female head of the Prayer and World Vision Team. It was SUCH an incredible, humbling and encouraging blessing to know that they felt like i was someone who would do well in that position. I was ridiculously excited but that pretty much fell to pieces that evening. Every sunday we have a project-wide meeting where we all get together and go over some announcements and whatnot and then end it with prayer. Well, I had previously signed up to run the prayer time at the end of the meeting not realizing that i was going to be announced as the female head of the prayer team right before that. GAH. I was sitting in my chair FLIPPING OUT as I was waiting to go up. I don't mind talking in front of people but this was my first time doing it here and RIGHT after being announced as a leader. I was feeling the pressure (which of course no one else actually was thinking much the less worrying about). But, it went well and it was so encouraging afterwards to have a few friends that i really respect come up and tell me how well I did and how excited they were that i'd gotten that position. It was just such an amazing God moment.

Our Head Leadership Team=]

Incredible Night of Reflection
Every week we have a NOR or a Night of Reflection where we just spend a couple hours with God. When I first got here this summer, one of my main struggles had, in all honesty just been completely taken from me. It was incredible. But in the past week and a half it's come up a lot and i've been having a really hard time understanding why I can't just let it go. But this last tuesday I got the chance to sit out on the beach and truly talk with God. If you've never had the chance to just tell God everything you feel and cry and laugh with Him. I highly suggest it. I don't do it often as I wish I did, but every time it is an incredible reminder of HOW GREAT our God is. Especially given my ability here to just sit and enjoy God's creation. Heck, a DOLPHIN swam by as I was doing this, AT SUNSET. Yeah. God is incredible. Anyways, to wrap up this little section, i'll just say that while i'm still struggling with some things I know that God is with me though it and that as it says in Isaiah 41:10--


Do not fear, for i am with you. Do not dismay for I am your God. I will strengthen and help you. i will uphold you with my righteous right hand.


And, so, I won't

.

Staff Farewell Banquet/Departure
The other evening was the staff farewell banquet. It was just a fun time to get dressed up and honor the people who have been pouring into us over the past 4 weeks. They have been such a blessing in our lives. But, knowing the people that have been picked to replace them i'm REALLY excited to see where God takes this project. We have so many incredible leaders among us and even more who are beginning to see and make use of their leadership potential. I truly believe that God gives everyone a gift to use for the his Kingdom, and in the past week as our leaders have stepped up and begun running things on their own god's hand has been incredibly evident. I cannot wait to see where the rest of this summer takes us.=]

During the Staff hunt.

                                              Set a Fire--AWESOME song.

Let it Shine--- Psalm 21:13

Tonight was eye-opening. Sorry for starting close to every post with some variation of that statement but that's sort of how my summer has been going. It has been a constant onslaught of realizations about myself, God, my relationships and Christianity. It's AMAZING.

Okay, so onto tonight! This evening we got to enjoy an "International Dinner". Unfortunately, because they want to be able to keep this a surprise for future SDSP members, I cannot give you full details of what went on. What I can dish out however, is that it was extremely enlightening. One of the countries that I specifically got to focus on tonight was China. At first, i'll be honest, I was disappointed. My heart is for Europe and the countries there like Germany, France and Italy that are so terribly dead in their faith. It breaks my heart. Now, most people know that Chinese are known for being hard workers and doing well in school. We've definitely got that stereotype down, but that stereotype stems largely from truth.I won't delve into stories here, but there are quite a few about kids doing horrible things because they failed to meet expectations. For me though it was not until tonight as I was learning about china and thinking of the stories I've read and heard that that reality truly sunk in. Perfection is an idol for the Chinese. Suicide is one of the biggest problems in China, and the reason can often be traced back to a failure to meet the standards of perfection society and families have set up for people.

As all of that was racing through my mind tonight, I kept coming back to how blessed we are. Do people in the US struggle with the need to be perfect? Absolutely. In fact I go to a school where many people feel the need to have done something great with their lives by the time they've graduated, a school where people literally camp out in the library for days at a time, and a school where i have seen people in tears over getting a "B". So, when I think of China that's what I see. Kids who are asked to meet a standard that is unattainable and pay for it in countless ways. It's a predicament that is so incredibly out of the realm of my understanding. Even when I see it at my university it's hard for me to comprehend. Let me give you some background here: my parents are teachers. Trust me when I say I know what it feels like to feel the need to do well. But, on the other hand, my parents are also the people who, when I flip out over a bad grade in a class, tell me that there are bigger problems and that failing one class doesn't matter and that, in the end, school and grades are NOT WHAT IS IMPORTANT. Do you need to graduate to get a good job? yeah. it'd help. But in the end, as Christians we are called to something so much greater than worrying about grades.

 It breaks my heart to think that within the Chinese culture the idea of grace we hold so dear within Christianity is really an unheard of concept. The idea that regardless of what we do we are loved? Nope. That doesn't make sense. But then, I guess it is crazy isn't it? Christ calls us to a ridiculous love. It's nonsensical. Loving people who don't deserve it. Loving people who mock and ignore and curse us. Yet, when you know that love, there's nothing more you want others to experience.

And so, began my second thought explosion....   Isaiah 6:8
 If you know me at all you should know that travelling is something i'm passionate about. I cannot even begin to imagine a life with the inability to travel. TORTURE. There is so much to do, see and experience in this world. So many cultures to explore and stories to hear and people to meet. I've always known I loved travelling but it wasn't until a couple days ago when I realized how much I desire to help others get that same experience. I LOVE watching people experience something completely out of the realm of normalcy for them. It's simply incredible. hahah i'm smiling just thinking of it. I don't know how that's going to work into a career for me. I've kind of been assuming I might end up working with a tour company, or maybe a study/work/volunteer abroad organization. But this evening, I realized that regardless of where my passions take me I have one more unshakable passion that will always work it's way in. I want others to know the love i feel in Christ.

I am broken. I have been hurt. I have seen immense pain. I have experienced terrible situations. I have hated myself. I have hated others. But, more importantly, I have been loved

Loved in a way  that cannot be completely described other than to say it makes you want to sing to the God who created it. So, no matter what I end up doing, I pray that God will continue to work through me and allow me to be apart of others getting to know the love that takes care of everything.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79055I6o-NQ

Open the Eyes of my Heart Lord...

Part 1:
The past few days have been insane. God has been calling me out on stuff left and right. But more than anything He's been calling me to give it up to Him. What's "it"? EVERYTHING. My relationships, my worries, my family, and probably most apparent is my future and career. I'm such a planner and it's so hard to allow God to step in and take the reins. I'm stubborn and i love waiting until the last possible moment to admit I need help, and it's no different in my relationship with God. But over and over again this week God has made me so aware of his sovereignty and how much I need to let things go and allow His plan to take over. If God is love, and God is sovereign then God's sovereign will is going to stem from that love. Repeatedly in the past few days i've been convicted of how much I try to handle on my own and how little I trust god's ability to work things out for the best. Yet, in the end, there's no way around it. God knows what is best for us and regardless of how we drive our lives He will use our actions for his glory. Trust me when I say that believing God can take the worst situations and make them good is something i've struggled with just as much if not more than other people. But He does. Over and over God uses our mistakes for the glory of His name and though it may be hard there is no doubt in my mind that if I can just give up my worries to him He will do it again.

Isaiah 25:8

Part 2:
God is crazy. He has opened my eyes so much in the past few weeks. God works life out in ways I never would have thought of. I sort of stated this in my first post after getting here...but let me reiterate something. I am living in a condo with 11 other girls. Let me break this down a little further. Out of all the girls i'm living with....there is not one person who is all that similar to another. I can hear you saying "duh, of course you're not". NO. I mean we are different to the point that I came in thinking "oh my gosh i'm gonna go insane if I have to live with these people all summer". We are girls that might know each other casually at school but would never in a million years hang out on a regular basis. THESE are the girls I live with. But, here we are more crazy in love with one another than you can ever possibly imagine. We come from RADICALLY different backgrounds, from Christian homes, drug abuse, missionary families, alcoholism, and even abuse. We struggle with different things, we fear different things and we have completely different personalities based on our upbringings, yet, we are all best friends. These are the girls I hang out with on a regular basis. These are the girls that know my whole story. We have cried in front of each other, we have prayed with one another and we have laughed over unspeakable things together. The only way I can explain this is to say God is INCREDIBLE.