Lessons in Trust.

Woo. It has been....A WEEK (or two, or three). God and I have been talking a lot lately.

I hate being stressed, but let me tell you--I love the conversations God and I have when I am. At the moment, most of my pressure points are future related. Travel, career, passions and worries all wrapped up in a beautiful mess of emotional outcries. So, given that most of those pertain to my general blogging subjects--I figured I'd share some of what I feel like I've been learning lately.

There are two obscure desires that I have had for a long time. I call them obscure primarily because of their specificity, but also because of what they entail:

1. Adopt kids that are in the 15-18 age range right before they get booted out of the system 
2. Find a way to help under-privileged high school students get abroad

I won't go into the details of why or how I'd like to make these things happen, but I will point out two things about these desires:

•  I don't generally like working with kids. Okay, that's an overstatement. I don't think I'm necessarily GOOD at working with kids, especially not teenagers. Nonetheless, for years these two things have been something I've cared deeply about, and I have often wondered why God would give me such a strong desire to help a group of people that I generally avoid like the plague. (sorry every high schooler I've ever worked with who now think I hate them--I don't, I promise!)

• In order to achieve at least one of these goals, I have to get back into the International Edu. industry and work with students. Most of these jobs require/prefer a Master's Degree, some counseling/advising experience, and previous work in a higher education setting. I don't have any of those things.

As I tried to sort out these thoughts I was reminded by a good friend that sometimes God puts us in seemingly impossible situations in order for us to be reminded that HE is in control. When God met Moses through a burning bush (Exodus 3-4) he commanded him to go to Pharaoh and tell him let His people go. Moses protested with a variety of excuses which God deflected one after another. My favorite excuse however, was this one:

10 Moses said to the Lord, “Pardon your servant, Lord. I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.”
11 The Lord said to him, “Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the Lord? 12 Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.”
13 But Moses said, “Pardon your servant, Lord. Please send someone else.”

In the end, God calms Moses down by assuring him that his brother Aaron will be there to speak with and for him. Summary: God wanted Moses to do something, Moses can't/doesn't want to, God makes it happen anyways.

As I reread that recently, I was reminded not only God's faithfulness, but also that in all things I can trust him. Perhaps sometimes God puts desires in our hearts that don't make sense so that we are reminded that He is capable of anything. His strength is made visible when we do things that are seemingly impossible otherwise.

So, I guess that's where I'm at. I have no idea what the future holds or where I'll be next. I don't know who will hire me or when. What I do know is this: God is good all the time. And today when I have an inevitable moment of despair thinking about the impossibility of everything I want out of life I will take a step back. I will remember that I serve a God who is able to do immeasurably (let that sink in) more than I could ever ask or imagine, and I will rest in that.

Ephesians 3:20-21
الحَمْد لله‎‎

Joyful in Hope

Alright ya'll so this is a bit random, but I HAVE to put it down. I read a Psalm this morning about fear and it's been on my mind all day. I'm thinking God wants me to get something through my head considering that's what we talked about in class today as well=] gahh such a good day. But before I start, I just want to point out that if you go through Psalms, Isaiah, Matthew (or any of the gospels), check out how many times it says "do not worry", or "do not be anxious" or "do not fear". Worrying isn't something I do often, but when I do...I worry like it's my job. Unfortunately, that's probably not the best thing for me. So it's nice to know that God is constantly trying to remind us not to freak out over every small thing.

Hah, okay that was the first lesson I learned today. The second is a bit longer....so have fun!=]

Over and over again as I read through the Psalms two things have jumped out at me. David either feels alone and writes about his need of God or he's joyous in hope. Wait. Scratch that. He's always joyous in hope. THAT'S what's I've been loving about this so much. Whether David feels as if he's on top of the world, or is freaking out because he's got people after him, he always ends with a desire to praise God.

People have been asking me forever why I seem happy all the time. Well, first off....i'm not. Let's be honest, I obviously can't be happy all the time. That would be ridiculous and honestly...don't we need some bad to enjoy the good all the more? Anyways, secondly I'm happy because I know the same God as David. I see the same joy he did in everything. Reading through the Psalms has (and continues to be) like reading my own thoughts written down. I just went through Psalm 43 and ya'll it ended marvelously. The last verse of it is by far my favorite.

"Why, my soul are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God." Psalm 43:8

ahhh I love it. I know this feeling so well. Some days just generally suck. I struggle, i'm late to class, I fail, and nothing seems to go my way. Sometimes it's not me. Some days, terrible things happen and you just feel alone. Days when nothing helps and everything hurts. Those days it's insanely easy for me to imagine God has completely abandoned me to the cynicism and anger of this world. For David, that happens numerous times throughout the Psalms. I can't tell you how many times I've read "rescue me", "remember me", or "where are you". But, in all of that he constantly returns to the realization that God hasn't abandoned him. Yes, times are hard. Yes, people will hate you. Yes, sometimes life is terrible. But, God uses that. God doesn't want you to be in pain. He doesn't want to see you hurt or suffer. But, when life throws that at you...God will use that for your good (Romans 8:28). God has plans for people and whatever happens, the end will be for something greater than I ever planned. I know that even when I'm the cause of my own problems, God sees that. He knows that and helps me regardless.

Knowing that, gives me more joy than I can possibly express in words. My soul does NOT need to be downcast. I can be joyful in knowing that there is always someone there for me and always something more to hope for. You know those moments in life when you're so excited about something you can't contain yourself? Times when you're grinning like a fool or can't help but laugh/scream/jump. That is what it feels like to be in this relationship with God. The more I read about him, the more I talk to him, the more I want to, the more I fall in love with Jesus. The best part? I know i'm not the only one in this boat. Whenever David talks about being joyful in God, he talks about singing praise. He knows this feeling. He knows that when you love someone you want to shout it out to everyone and sometimes, that means freaking out and singing out your lungs...other times it means laughing about whether or not angels/God are laughing at you (Bethany=]). David knew, and I feel it now. When crap happens to me I need not fear. I have someone to listen to me, help me, guide me, comfort me when no one else can. Hah. that's why I got the Isaiah 41:10 tattoo right? I needed a reminder so that next time the world throws something that seems unbearable my way, I remember this.

"Do not fear for I am with you.
Do not Dismay for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you.
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
Isaiah 41:10

God not only is there for me....he's freaking gonna take his time helping me. Yeah. I think I can deal with that. So yes, like David, in bad times all I can say is this: "I will YET praise Him, my Savior and my God."

The Waiting Game.

Well, this is what it comes down to: Prayer, Hope and Trust.

Egypt in the past few weeks has gotten fairly dangerous in terms of rioting and arrests. But, regardless. I still want to go there more than anywhere else. Egypt is such an enticing place in so many ways, but I do understand everyone's concerns about going over there now. Luckily, for all those concerned, the government is with you. Should things get a tad TOO crazy, the state department can shut down the exchange program and I will be placed somewhere else for the semester. Hopefully the elections this week go well and i'm granted the opportunity to spend my semester enjoying the commotion of Cairo, the history of Giza and the beauty of the Nile, but it's possible that the elections only incite more craziness and i'm forced somewhere else.

So, until then all I can do is wait, watch and pray with the knowledge that God knows best. Would I love to know now, and be able to fully prepare for my time in another culture, with another language, with new people and new adventures to pursue? Yes. Of course. But, I also realize that God HAS a plan for me. He knows where I'm headed, He knows my needs, He knows the desires of my heart and above all, He wants to see my happy. So, while I could spend my time wallowing in my frustration, in the end it's just not worth it. Regardless of where I go I will be somewhere NEW, somewhere EXCITING and inevitably enjoy the adventure of a lifetime. So, trust it is. I'm trusting that in all things I need not fear. My God, my hope is in you.

Psalm 39:7 "But Now Lord, what do I look for? My HOPE is in you"

 الأمل دائما