The Waiting Game.

Well, this is what it comes down to: Prayer, Hope and Trust.

Egypt in the past few weeks has gotten fairly dangerous in terms of rioting and arrests. But, regardless. I still want to go there more than anywhere else. Egypt is such an enticing place in so many ways, but I do understand everyone's concerns about going over there now. Luckily, for all those concerned, the government is with you. Should things get a tad TOO crazy, the state department can shut down the exchange program and I will be placed somewhere else for the semester. Hopefully the elections this week go well and i'm granted the opportunity to spend my semester enjoying the commotion of Cairo, the history of Giza and the beauty of the Nile, but it's possible that the elections only incite more craziness and i'm forced somewhere else.

So, until then all I can do is wait, watch and pray with the knowledge that God knows best. Would I love to know now, and be able to fully prepare for my time in another culture, with another language, with new people and new adventures to pursue? Yes. Of course. But, I also realize that God HAS a plan for me. He knows where I'm headed, He knows my needs, He knows the desires of my heart and above all, He wants to see my happy. So, while I could spend my time wallowing in my frustration, in the end it's just not worth it. Regardless of where I go I will be somewhere NEW, somewhere EXCITING and inevitably enjoy the adventure of a lifetime. So, trust it is. I'm trusting that in all things I need not fear. My God, my hope is in you.

Psalm 39:7 "But Now Lord, what do I look for? My HOPE is in you"

 الأمل دائما

Walk like an Egyptian...

So, if you weren't already aware....i'm letting you in on the insanity now. I'M GOING TO EGYPT! I'll be honest, I was a little nervous things wouldn't work out with Egypt. I mean, to be fair, there is a bit of a government upheaval going on over there so  plans could always change last minute. BUT, for now, I am going to enjoy the delirious excitement of knowing that in a little over 2 months I will be in the land of Pyramids.

I wish I could put into words how mixed up my emotions have been. I'm OVER THE MOON with excitement to be going. I've dreamed of seeing the pyramids since second grade when I discovered ancient history. Now, though, as it looms before me, I'm starting to freak out a bit. Did I make the right choice? Will homesickness hit worse than if I'd gone somewhere else? Is it worth to go to a country knowing so little of the language? What about my tattoo?? Is that going to get me in trouble?? While my excitement remains, the past few days I have been overwhelmed with the feeling of uncertainty about my choice to go to Cairo. However, per usual, God has been absurdly faithful in taking care of me and knowing my needs even when I haven't asked for His help.

Within the past 48 hours I have spoken to 3 or 4 different people about going to Egypt, and while they know the dangers and I told them about my family's fears, they were all beyond encouraging. They would say things like "..everywhere's dangerous, you can't stop living just because of that." "That's crazy girl, I love that you're doing something so different." "Think of the amazing time you'll get to see in Egypt's history!" It's so simple but God knew exactly what I needed to hear to get me through these past few days. I needed that reminder that I am where i'm supposed to be, even if that place is a little bit more dangerous than the ideal.

I'll admit it, I have a problem. I love to shock people. I like the looks i get when I chop my hair, I liked the reaction I got when I got a tattoo, I love doing things that people say I can't/won't or simply don't expect from me. But this time, it goes beyond that. I CRAVE adventure that I simply cannot get in Charlottesville. There's simply something magical about this crazy world we've been placed in and I ache to discover it. I see pictures of foreign places and I need to leave. I am not content to just sit and let the world around me go to waste. I want to see, do, feel, experience, live. If that means going somewhere a little bit crazy, so be it. I am confident that God has me right where he wants me. What plans He has in store for this adventure I don't know, but for now I am content that He does. If that means going somewhere where my faith is going to be a daily challenge, I'm okay with that. I want to be so shattered spiritually that there is nothing I can do but crawl back to the source of joy. Well Egypt, let's do this thing.

 "For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11

Entering the Depths of my Heart.

Welcome to the visual representation of the desires of my heart.

If, after watching this, you don't want to:

 Travel to every corner of the earth, 

Interact with people of all languages, backgrounds and cultures

Try exotic foods

Experience God's incredible world

Live out life's adventure

.....I don't even know what to tell you.

The End. For Now...

Okay, so I'm a terrible person. I apologize for not posting more often near the end. I'll try to do better when I head off onto my next adventure this Spring=] But, for now, i'll fill you in on the past few weeks and how the best summer of my life ended.

The last few weeks were incredible. Lots of awesomeness including but not limited to: An epic battle on the beach using cardboard shields and foam noodle swords(CHECK IT OUT HERE), a night of dancing outside,  a water slide into the bay, country western dancing at a dance hall about an hour away, our final FNL with the theme of $5 prom (which of course brought out the insanity in everyone=]), a wonderful night of love at the student farewell banquet, a final night of worship and reflection on the beach and a night of laughter and craziness the night that everyone left.

the last day of project went something like this:
6:30 am --wake up
7am-12pm--CLEAN EVERYTHING
12-2pm --Sporadic lunch eating
2pm-6pm--Hanging out and waiting for food
6pm-- DINNER
7pm--Last Night of Reflection
8pm--Worship on the Beach
10pm-7am--Hang out, Nom on whatever we can find, and say goodbye to everyone that's leaving
8am--there are 8 people left and we had our last meal consisting of sparkling lemonade, frozen fruit, sherbet, and whatever else we found left in the fridge of Condo 1
9am--the last of us are shuttled to the airport
12:30pm--the 4 of us left at the airport end up heading our separate ways
1pm--Kaye Finally gets some sleep

It was a night of laughter, fun, joy, lack of sleep and tears as we said goodbye. But I know that regardless of what happens in the rest of our lives I'm going to get to enjoy hanging out with them for the rest of eternity=]

Since there's no way i'll be able to remember everything I did in the past 3 weeks, here's a synopsis of what I learned:

1. Approval
I have to stop looking at others for approval and God smacked me over the head with that every day the last week or so. He is the only one I need approval from and because of Christ, I already have it. So why search for it from anyone else??

2. Forgiveness
One of the biggest things God asked of me in the last few weeks is to forgive someone in my life that had truly hurt me and it was by far the hardest thing I did on project. After I forgave him I really felt God calling me to ask him to forgive me for holding it against him. Let me just say that it's a miracle that he could even understand what I was saying between all my crying. But, per usual, God ended this story exactly how we both needed it to and our relationship is stronger than ever. Never again will I underestimate the power of pride to hold us back and the power of forgiveness to heal.

3. Reality
With the end of project looming it was really scary to face the idea of coming back to reality. We'd been in this Christian bubble for so long that it was getting crazy to think we'd have to face the real world at school in not too long. God's been so faithful this summer in providing me with a community to lean on, learn from and grow with and now He's sending me (and everyone else) out to create that same community wherever we go. While it is a little disheartening to think that going back to school there will be an onslaught of people wondering why I spent my summer the way I did and thinking it was a waste of time, it's also exciting to think of what God's going to do once I get back there. I have another good girlfriend who went on Summer Project elsewhere and we've already talked about some things we're looking at bringing back to UVA. Then, one of the awesome guys from project texted me to let me know that there are some girls at school that he really wants me to try and get connected to the Christian community at UVA. God's faithfulness endures forever (psalm 117:2)!! Being home now, I can already see what a difference this summer has made in my life. To think that a few months ago I thought I was pretty solid in my walk and this summer completely blew that preconception out of the water. There is always something left to learn and I cannot wait to see where God leads me in this coming year.

4. Dedication
Okay, so this one's here for a few reasons. First, it's something I have really felt God calling me to and second, I need people to hold me accountable so here's my confession to the world. For the next year, it's me and God. I really want to dedicate a year to TRULY getting to know my creator. This summer was only the beginning of me realizing how immense His love for us is and I can't wait to grow in that truth over the next year. In fact I think God set this year up for just that purpose. I went on a summer mission trip I didn't expect to, changed a ton, am taking it back to school to help a community of believers grow and then spending my spring semester abroad. How is that God ordained?? How about the fact that after I spend a semester pouring out as much as I can all that I've learned this summer and been poured into by my discipler and small groups in an entirely new way, i'll be going to a country that NEEDS to be poured into and in doing so forced to fully rely on God. In Deuteronomy 8:2 it talks about how god led the Israelites through desert to humble them and test them to know what was in their heart. Well, we're all going to have deserts time and time again in our lives and I think this study abroad is going to be my next major desert. But, God also says that he will not allow us to be tempted beyond our ability (1 corinth 10:13). He will be there as I go off on my own this spring to jump to my rescue and stand by me as my faith is tested again and again. Life is trial by fire and i'm excited to see what God has in store!=]
DEDICATION OF THIS YEAR TO GOD COMMENCES.....NOW.

5. Obligation
okay, so this was a much more recent discovery but I just want to share it with everyone. Romans 8:12-14 says....

Therefore, brothers and sisters, we have an obligation—but it is not to the flesh, to live according to it. 13 For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live.
14 For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God.

Read that again. We have an OBLIGATION. We are not just asked to live by the spirit but OBLIGATED to do so. When I first read that I had to stop a second and consider that. How are we obligated to follow the spirit? What about grace?

So let's lay out a scenario. You go to the bakery and buy a beautiful, decidedly delicious looking cake, but, as soon as you get home and take a bite you find out that its stale inside. How annoying is that? You were so excited to enjoy your evening with some friggin good cake and it ends up stale. We expect to get what we pay for! When we buy something we want it to be everything we hoped and when it's not then (in this case) the bakery hasn't held up it's end of the bargain of providing a good that met the standards of what we paid for. So how does this connect to Romans?

Of course God is going to forgive us for anything we do to further separate ourselves from Him, because that's what he promised when He sent Christ to die for us. So what did we promise when we accepted that sacrifice? We promised to not do what we'd done before. We promised to lean on him for our needs. We promised to trust His word. We promised to follow after Him with all of our heart, soul, mind and strength (Mark 12:30). That's what God paid for and when we decide to give our lives to Him we're saying we're going to try to give God what He paid for. In the case of this passage it's saying God bought us so that we would lean on the spirit and follow Him and NOT the ways of this world. So are we as Christians holding up our end of the bargain? Are we meeting our obligations of leaning on the spirit in any and everything?

Are we going to meet our end all the time? No. Of course not. We're human and God knows that we'll slip back into our old ways time and time again. So, he gives us grace through Christ to return time and time again.     But, on that same token accepting that someone died so that you may live and not attempting to live up to that type of love is ridiculous. God's love is a crazy love and our only obligation is to accept that and to attempt to follow Him to the best of our ability. I'd say we got the better end of that deal=]

insanity. God is awesome and I love when He absolutely overwhelms me with truth like that=] So here I am raising a glass (figuratively of course, I'll do it for real in November) to my attempt to live up to my obligation as a Daughter of the King!
Psalms 103:1-5

A Time to Fast

Alrighty, so I wasn't actually going to post this but my mother requested a post about my fasting so, here ya go madre!

This past week my friend Vic decided she wanted to fast at some point and asked that I would join her. I'm gonna be honest and say I wasn't super excited about it. If you know me at all you know that I love to eat. But, I said "sure," figured it would be good for me and this past Sunday (aka yesterday) sucked it up and did it. Guess what? IT WAS FLIPPING AWESOME. Really, though.

Now, I've fasted before but never for the right reasons. I know that when you fast there should be a purpose to your fasting. There should be a desire to grow closer to or learn from God in some area. But, last time I fasted it was purely fasting for fasting's sake and it was terribly hard. As this Sunday came around I was getting a bit nervous wondering how I was gonna go an entire day without food, much less learn anything from it. (Did I mention that Sunday is the one day a week we get a free dinner? No? Yeah. No bueno. ) However, the night before I felt called to fast about discernment in my life and decided that's what I would do.

Ya'll I wish I could describe what an incredible experience it was. I woke up late (so that i'd have less time thinking about  my hunger), went to church, came back and called mi madre while everyone else ate lunch, went to 2 meetings, had some intense Quiet time with God, went to dinner, and then just cleaned and really dove into the word with Vic. Here's the thing. When you're attempting NOT to focus on your hunger time with God gets a lot more serious. You learn that you have to depend on God to make it through the day because without him you'd absolutely give in. It's an awesome experience. Every time I got hungry i'd just start to talk to God about life and it would help SO much. But more importantly was how obvious God made it that He listens to us and cares about what we have to say.

The discernment I was fasting over was my desires versus God's desires. As in, I know what I want out of life, and they're not bad things, however I struggle to determine whether i'm trying to fit God's plan into my own, or fitting myself into God's plan. So the entire day that was my focus in prayer. I won't get into specifics about what I was praying for but there was one request I made at the beginning of the day about some things I needed to change in my life that I KNEW I couldn't (and still can't) do on my own and God immediately answered it. It's an ongoing struggle and throughout the day as I was put into situations where I had to deal with it I watched as God stepped in and helped me get through without losing my focus on Him. I wish I could fully explain how incredible it was. I could literally feel the transformation. It was so reassuring to realize that God DOES hear us and DOES respond when we call on him in faith.

Ask and it shall be given to you, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you.
Matthew 7:7

Thoughts...

Just a few thoughts from today that I felt like getting out

1. Animals are considered to be BEAUTIFUL. Think about this. We go to zoos, aquariums and even have an entire channel devoted to them. Now, how ridiculous is it of us to think that we ourselves are not insanely beautiful if God created ANIMALS to be beautiful. How insane is it that we have even moments  where we feel ugly when God takes the time to worry about the beauty of even the flowers in the fields. Don't believe me? Check out Luke 12:28. GOD LOVES US. He created us with the hands of an artist. With love, purpose, design, excitement. He delights in who we are because we are beautiful.

2. I really need to work on respecting God. Funny, because I normally think of myself as being a pretty respectful person. Having grown up with teachers for parents, I learned fast how much disrespect hurts people. But, I was reading through Numbers 15 today and when I got to verse 30 the words just CRUSHED me. I am so terrible about sinning with defiance. Honestly, how much worse is it when you KNOW what is right and choose to do otherwise. How selfish, cruel and just disrespectful of us is that? Yet, even in the past few days I can think of multiple times where AS I was considering doing something I thought, "Well, this isn't really right, but it's good for this moment. So, just this once, then I won't do it again next time." hahahahah How ABSURD! Does it really matter if I don't do it next time if I've already completely disrespected the person, or in this case, God in that moment? I think of all the times I've been angry with my sisters for doing something I've told them multiple times not to do and watched them do it right in front of me. How hypocritical is it of me to not forgive them for those things, or to reach out in anger when I do the exact same thing to the God of the UNIVERSE on a day to day basis. Ridiculous. Thank goodness He is also a God who forgives....
             Hebrews 10:17


3. Morning quiet times are the best! I am NOT a morning person but around here when your apartment gets up you do too. And honestly, it's been awesome for my quiet times because I've started becoming the person who can't go back to bed once i'm up. Crazy right?? I read a verse today about how Christ was dealing with a bunch of insanity from people (per usual) and woke up in the morning and sought out a quiet place. Even Christ needed some time away from everything in the morning to talk to God. Maybe it's just me but being that I'm really beginning to realize how much i need morning quiet times to start off my day, it's super encouraging to see that Christ did it too. I love when God gives you stuff like that just when you need it.

الحمد لله  

Created by Yahweh

I wish I was better at these posts but there's always too much to tell and half the time it's impossible to describe what's going on. So I apologize for the consistent lateness and length of these posts. Here are the highlights of the past week:

July 4th!

For the 4th of July we had a BBQ near the Bay where we live. We all made dishes, had lots of games going (football, death hack, frisbee, soccer, you name it), and were able to invite people we had met throughout the week, whether that be coworkers, students on campus or just people at the beach. It was an awesome night of food, hanging out, and getting to watch 5 different fireworks shows over a bay. It was also just an amazing reminder of how much God has blessed all of us in giving us the chance to be here. 

July 7-10
So, on the 7th we had women's night and being that this was our first women's time without staff, one of the girls got to speak. Ya'll, I WISH I had her talk to give to people. She spoke about being created in the image of Christ, but instead of talking about how it's what's inside that matters and that's how we're created in the image of Christ, she talked about looks. It was FABULOUS. Honestly I wish I could send it to every girl I know. And heck, guys for that matter. She came at it from the perspective of an artist and it was quite possibly the best talk on image that i've EVER heard. Honestly I'd love to discuss it further with people. So if you all are interested let me know. I'd love to freak out about it a little more=] Anyways, the REASON I wanted to tell you all about this is to set up how awesome God has been this week. Body image is not something i've ever felt like i really struggled with but after hearing that talk God completely called me out on some areas that I do struggle with it in a totally different way. (Part 1)

THEN, the next evening another friend spoke at FNL about freedom from the sins that hold us back from growing in our faith. Well, because of the talk the night before I knew exactly what that sin was for me and was wrestling with it throughout the talk. It was honestly one of the harder talks I've listened to while being here for a few reasons and completely God ordained.

Finally, on Sunday, our pastor talked about how so often we attempt to take the sins that we struggle with and change ourselves for the better and just end up getting frustrated because nothing happens. Surprise, surprise that's exactly  where I was at while listening. But he just spoke on how we cannot change ourselves and have to give it up to God because only he can change our hearts. It was awesome to watch God work in those 3 days and take me from recognition of my sin, to realizing it doesn't have to hold sway over me forever, to realizing that I cannot change myself on my own. Sometimes you just have to look a little harder to see how God's working=]

EXTRAS
 When we went to UCSD this Monday some awesome conversations took place. First, on the bus, my friend Vic and I started talking to this older gentlemen who i SWEAR might be the world's most successful man. his name was Rye and he was born and raised in San Diego, his father was in the Navy and died in the Battle of Midway. He himself was in the marines for a bit, then worked at NASA and then owned an airport for a bit. He married a woman from New Zealand and retired there but is an attorney and currently working on a major case in the federal courts about water company corruption in California, while simultaneously writing the screenplay for a movie called The Battle of Midway (2014) starring Harrison Ford and directed by George Lucas. He's then been requested to possibly help work on a screenplay for a movie called Sharpen your Knives about a woman who gives up everything to go to culinary school abroad. His daughter happens to be a Professor of Chinese at Stanford and his son is a doctor. No big deal. He's just the world's most interesting man. Oh, and did I mention he was a super legit Christian? No? Oh yeah, well he was. If nothing else, the people we get to talk to here are incredible and hearing their stories is one of the absolute best things about sharing our faith.

Later we also got to talk to agirl named Monica and a guy named Daniel, though neither were Christian both believed in God and were so open and willing to talk to us about faith. At the end of our conversation with Monica she even asked whether or not we needed suggestions of good places to go to find people to talk to and pointed us in the right direction! God uses people, even if they're not aware of it. Daniel on the other hand was interesting because he was ridiculously knowledgeable about many things and was definitely searching for God and wanted to find out about religions and who people thought God was. His family and girlfriend are all Christian and so we're just praying that God works through them and continues to draw Daniel towards himself.

Last night I went downtown with some friends and we just all hung out, watched a movie and generally enjoyed chilling out somewhere that wasn't La Jolla, Santa Clara, Old Town or Mission Bay. It was great=] Tonight my prayer team has organized a Concert of Prayer and although i'm a bit nervous it should go over really well and I can't wait to see how God uses it. Tomorrow a bunch of friends and I are going to the San Diego Zoo!! I'm unbearably excited=] I LOVE zoos! Anyways, so that's pretty much my life thus far this past week. I love you all and cannot wait to catch up with everyone when I get back!

Isaiah 40:28-31

Set a Fire Down in my Soul that I can't Contain, that I can't Control...

SO much has happened in the past week that I've wanted to put out there for ya'll, but I just haven't been able to  figure out how I'd put it all into words. Well, I still haven't figured that out but I've decided I should at least attempt, so here we are. So I'll just a list a few of the awesome things that happened...

Women's Retreat
Last weekend we had men and women's retreats. So traditionally, when the guys leave the girls do somemthing fun for them as they return and then the gents reciprocate. So, the guys left on thursday and came back friday night to banners, food, letters of encouragement and just an absurd amount of decoration in Man-Land (where the boys live here at project).

Then, all of us ladies got to leave that evening and we returned on Sunday. We like to assume that the reason our retreat was longer was to give the guys more time to think about what they'd do for us=] I'll be honest, when we left for the retreat I wasn't super excited. I tend to have a lot more fun hanging out with guys than I do with girls and even though I ADORE all the amazing women i've met here at project it was hard to convince myself that it was going to be all that fun. WRONG. Women's retreat was AMAZING. I got to know so many more of the girls here and made some great new girlfriends. They took us to a campground in the middle of the desert with a sweet playground (fastest slide i've ever been on), an obstacle course and a pool. I can't talk about everything that went on, but suffice it to say that it was an incredible retreat and by the end I wished we could stay longer. However, as soon as we got home we couldn't have been happier o be back=] The boys had cleaned the main rooms of our apartments, left us flowers and a big bowl of chocolates. Then,  to top it off they had invited us to a formal, "Welcome Home Dinner". So, that evening we all got to dress up, be escorted to tables, served Stromboli (made from scratch might I add), salad and dessert by the lovely gents. It was such a fun evening and definitely a wonderful welcome home=]

At the Women's retreat

One of our servers=]

Leadership Roles
One of the coolest things about Summer Project is the fact that half way through the summer, the staff leave. The idea is that much like Jesus did to his disciples, the staff teach us what we need to know about how to lead and do things on our own here and then leave us to go out and live it. So, at the beginning of project we are split up into different ministry teams. Each team is led by 2 staff members--one guy and one girl. Then we have 4 people that are head of the project overall. So, when the staff leave others have to fill those roles and students take on those leadership positions and become the summer project leadership team. I'm on the Prayer and World Vision ministry team. Which, is already God giving me a second chance since I was asked to think about leading the Prayer Group at school and ended up deciding not to. God has an amazing sense of humor. Well, about a week ago my DNA (small group) leader, Beth, came up to me and asked me whether i'd like to accept the role of the female head of the Prayer and World Vision Team. It was SUCH an incredible, humbling and encouraging blessing to know that they felt like i was someone who would do well in that position. I was ridiculously excited but that pretty much fell to pieces that evening. Every sunday we have a project-wide meeting where we all get together and go over some announcements and whatnot and then end it with prayer. Well, I had previously signed up to run the prayer time at the end of the meeting not realizing that i was going to be announced as the female head of the prayer team right before that. GAH. I was sitting in my chair FLIPPING OUT as I was waiting to go up. I don't mind talking in front of people but this was my first time doing it here and RIGHT after being announced as a leader. I was feeling the pressure (which of course no one else actually was thinking much the less worrying about). But, it went well and it was so encouraging afterwards to have a few friends that i really respect come up and tell me how well I did and how excited they were that i'd gotten that position. It was just such an amazing God moment.

Our Head Leadership Team=]

Incredible Night of Reflection
Every week we have a NOR or a Night of Reflection where we just spend a couple hours with God. When I first got here this summer, one of my main struggles had, in all honesty just been completely taken from me. It was incredible. But in the past week and a half it's come up a lot and i've been having a really hard time understanding why I can't just let it go. But this last tuesday I got the chance to sit out on the beach and truly talk with God. If you've never had the chance to just tell God everything you feel and cry and laugh with Him. I highly suggest it. I don't do it often as I wish I did, but every time it is an incredible reminder of HOW GREAT our God is. Especially given my ability here to just sit and enjoy God's creation. Heck, a DOLPHIN swam by as I was doing this, AT SUNSET. Yeah. God is incredible. Anyways, to wrap up this little section, i'll just say that while i'm still struggling with some things I know that God is with me though it and that as it says in Isaiah 41:10--


Do not fear, for i am with you. Do not dismay for I am your God. I will strengthen and help you. i will uphold you with my righteous right hand.


And, so, I won't

.

Staff Farewell Banquet/Departure
The other evening was the staff farewell banquet. It was just a fun time to get dressed up and honor the people who have been pouring into us over the past 4 weeks. They have been such a blessing in our lives. But, knowing the people that have been picked to replace them i'm REALLY excited to see where God takes this project. We have so many incredible leaders among us and even more who are beginning to see and make use of their leadership potential. I truly believe that God gives everyone a gift to use for the his Kingdom, and in the past week as our leaders have stepped up and begun running things on their own god's hand has been incredibly evident. I cannot wait to see where the rest of this summer takes us.=]

During the Staff hunt.

                                              Set a Fire--AWESOME song.

Let it Shine--- Psalm 21:13

Tonight was eye-opening. Sorry for starting close to every post with some variation of that statement but that's sort of how my summer has been going. It has been a constant onslaught of realizations about myself, God, my relationships and Christianity. It's AMAZING.

Okay, so onto tonight! This evening we got to enjoy an "International Dinner". Unfortunately, because they want to be able to keep this a surprise for future SDSP members, I cannot give you full details of what went on. What I can dish out however, is that it was extremely enlightening. One of the countries that I specifically got to focus on tonight was China. At first, i'll be honest, I was disappointed. My heart is for Europe and the countries there like Germany, France and Italy that are so terribly dead in their faith. It breaks my heart. Now, most people know that Chinese are known for being hard workers and doing well in school. We've definitely got that stereotype down, but that stereotype stems largely from truth.I won't delve into stories here, but there are quite a few about kids doing horrible things because they failed to meet expectations. For me though it was not until tonight as I was learning about china and thinking of the stories I've read and heard that that reality truly sunk in. Perfection is an idol for the Chinese. Suicide is one of the biggest problems in China, and the reason can often be traced back to a failure to meet the standards of perfection society and families have set up for people.

As all of that was racing through my mind tonight, I kept coming back to how blessed we are. Do people in the US struggle with the need to be perfect? Absolutely. In fact I go to a school where many people feel the need to have done something great with their lives by the time they've graduated, a school where people literally camp out in the library for days at a time, and a school where i have seen people in tears over getting a "B". So, when I think of China that's what I see. Kids who are asked to meet a standard that is unattainable and pay for it in countless ways. It's a predicament that is so incredibly out of the realm of my understanding. Even when I see it at my university it's hard for me to comprehend. Let me give you some background here: my parents are teachers. Trust me when I say I know what it feels like to feel the need to do well. But, on the other hand, my parents are also the people who, when I flip out over a bad grade in a class, tell me that there are bigger problems and that failing one class doesn't matter and that, in the end, school and grades are NOT WHAT IS IMPORTANT. Do you need to graduate to get a good job? yeah. it'd help. But in the end, as Christians we are called to something so much greater than worrying about grades.

 It breaks my heart to think that within the Chinese culture the idea of grace we hold so dear within Christianity is really an unheard of concept. The idea that regardless of what we do we are loved? Nope. That doesn't make sense. But then, I guess it is crazy isn't it? Christ calls us to a ridiculous love. It's nonsensical. Loving people who don't deserve it. Loving people who mock and ignore and curse us. Yet, when you know that love, there's nothing more you want others to experience.

And so, began my second thought explosion....   Isaiah 6:8
 If you know me at all you should know that travelling is something i'm passionate about. I cannot even begin to imagine a life with the inability to travel. TORTURE. There is so much to do, see and experience in this world. So many cultures to explore and stories to hear and people to meet. I've always known I loved travelling but it wasn't until a couple days ago when I realized how much I desire to help others get that same experience. I LOVE watching people experience something completely out of the realm of normalcy for them. It's simply incredible. hahah i'm smiling just thinking of it. I don't know how that's going to work into a career for me. I've kind of been assuming I might end up working with a tour company, or maybe a study/work/volunteer abroad organization. But this evening, I realized that regardless of where my passions take me I have one more unshakable passion that will always work it's way in. I want others to know the love i feel in Christ.

I am broken. I have been hurt. I have seen immense pain. I have experienced terrible situations. I have hated myself. I have hated others. But, more importantly, I have been loved

Loved in a way  that cannot be completely described other than to say it makes you want to sing to the God who created it. So, no matter what I end up doing, I pray that God will continue to work through me and allow me to be apart of others getting to know the love that takes care of everything.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79055I6o-NQ

Open the Eyes of my Heart Lord...

Part 1:
The past few days have been insane. God has been calling me out on stuff left and right. But more than anything He's been calling me to give it up to Him. What's "it"? EVERYTHING. My relationships, my worries, my family, and probably most apparent is my future and career. I'm such a planner and it's so hard to allow God to step in and take the reins. I'm stubborn and i love waiting until the last possible moment to admit I need help, and it's no different in my relationship with God. But over and over again this week God has made me so aware of his sovereignty and how much I need to let things go and allow His plan to take over. If God is love, and God is sovereign then God's sovereign will is going to stem from that love. Repeatedly in the past few days i've been convicted of how much I try to handle on my own and how little I trust god's ability to work things out for the best. Yet, in the end, there's no way around it. God knows what is best for us and regardless of how we drive our lives He will use our actions for his glory. Trust me when I say that believing God can take the worst situations and make them good is something i've struggled with just as much if not more than other people. But He does. Over and over God uses our mistakes for the glory of His name and though it may be hard there is no doubt in my mind that if I can just give up my worries to him He will do it again.

Isaiah 25:8

Part 2:
God is crazy. He has opened my eyes so much in the past few weeks. God works life out in ways I never would have thought of. I sort of stated this in my first post after getting here...but let me reiterate something. I am living in a condo with 11 other girls. Let me break this down a little further. Out of all the girls i'm living with....there is not one person who is all that similar to another. I can hear you saying "duh, of course you're not". NO. I mean we are different to the point that I came in thinking "oh my gosh i'm gonna go insane if I have to live with these people all summer". We are girls that might know each other casually at school but would never in a million years hang out on a regular basis. THESE are the girls I live with. But, here we are more crazy in love with one another than you can ever possibly imagine. We come from RADICALLY different backgrounds, from Christian homes, drug abuse, missionary families, alcoholism, and even abuse. We struggle with different things, we fear different things and we have completely different personalities based on our upbringings, yet, we are all best friends. These are the girls I hang out with on a regular basis. These are the girls that know my whole story. We have cried in front of each other, we have prayed with one another and we have laughed over unspeakable things together. The only way I can explain this is to say God is INCREDIBLE.

HOME.

First, an overdue update, then a little tribute to home.

Last week, we got the awesome opportunity to go to Mt. Soledad for a night of prayer. I'm on the prayer ministry team here, so I got to help run it. Basically we walked around the top (which happens to have a giant cross) and each direction we faced we prayed for something different. Campuses, Beach outreach, believers in other countries, missionaries, and San Diego itself. It was an awesome night of worship in the midst of God's incredible creation.

The other night we did a bonfire on the beach. There was supposed to be worship but we lack coordination. So the best we got was a spontaneous rendition of Amazing Grace. STILL pretty awesome=]

cheezin'

One of 18 gajillion jumping pictures.

It's funny, how here, in a city I've been to only once before I feel so close to home. Parents, I blame this on you. Today, as I got on the bus to go home a quiet, motherly, Hispanic woman sat down a few seats away and my stomach flipped. She reminded me so much of home. I started to think of the hundreds of people just like her that have entered my house. Of the heavy accents and quiet strength of mothers and fathers as they try out their battered English for the first time. Smiles that stayed on their faces as my mother hugged, laughed and loved more loudly than any other person they'd met here. It made me think of the faces of those women as they take in my mother's unstoppable joy when it comes to others. It made me think of the little kids my sisters and I would babysit growing up. Smiling faces running around that would giggle as we tried to repeat words in Spanish, Arabic or whatever other languages they may have spoken. Which reminded me of Claire and how much she loves to care for others. How good she is at playing mom and caretaker of small children and what an awesome mom she's going to make one day. And all of this of course, reminded me of Tess and her insane ability to speak Spanish and her passion for the people of south america and what a wonderful caring personality she has.

                        

But don't worry, I haven't forgotten my dad. I'm just reminded of him in an entirely different way. I think of him as I go to UCSD and see swarms of brilliant people. I think of my dad in college with a bedroom that consisted of just a mattress surrounded by piles of books. I think of my dad now. Not all that different, sitting in his office surrounded by hundreds of books (all of which he's read) and 18 boxes filled to the brim with papers and projects. This city is a few thousand miles a way from where I live and yet everywhere I look I feel completely content. Home came with me=]

Jobs and Jesus.

So guess where I now work. Victoria's Secret. Yeah, that happened. =] It seems like a weird choice I guess for a summer project, but I think it's going to be an awesome place for me to start getting people to talk about faith. My first day was this past wednesday and I worked again today. I LOVE WORKING. I mean, story of my life. I cannot imagine having a time of my life where i'm not working in some capacity. It's honestly one of the things that I truly feel purpose in. I love getting the chance to help others and meet new people. What better place to do that than at work? =] So, what you should be taking from that is that I love Victoria's Secret so far. My boss is nice (and organized!!---well mostly...i'll get to that in a bit), my coworkers seem great and I get sweet discounts. It's going to be a good summer with them.
Downside? Yes. 
1-I work 45 minutes away by bus which means that if i need to get there by 9am I have to get up at 7ish to catch the bus on time. this wouldn't be frustrating except that by car it's like 15 minutes if that.
2- My boss doesn't understand my schedule yet. I have specific restrictions on when I can work because of all the other things we're doing while we're here. So I am unable to work past 6pm (except for saturday) and I can only work tues-saturday. Because of the weird way in which I got hired my manager and I didn't really go over all this during my interview other than to discuss that I did have restrictions. SO, today I checked my schedule for the upcoming week and i'm on sunday, monday and tuesday. FAIL. And 2 of those days i'm working in the evening. It's just really frustrating. I HATE being that person. The person who has to back out of tasks when people need me. It's the worst. UGH. It's really frustrating. Even more so because I talked to my manager about my hours on wWednesday. As in I SAT DOWN with her and WROTE OUT when I could work. If it were any other circumstances I would absolutely work all 3 of those days, but I'm not allowed to and I know she really needs me to. I hate failing people. So I'll be praying that everything works out the way it needs to on this one and my manager doesn't flip out.

Other than that little bit of insanity, life has been good. I've gotten a chance to really get to know some of the girls I live with. It is ridiculous how God works things out. When we were placed in rooms the staff didn't know our personalities, who we were or anything that might help them and yet God completely came through in helping them make the right decisions. The girls i live with are WONDERFUL. Besides being exactly the type of people i need to truly challenge me in my faith and just general outlook on life. It's crazy to sit there having a giant chat sesh with these girls and realize how similar many of us are in our struggles and how much we balance each other out in different areas. So  many things have been tested since I've been here. My patience, my preconceptions, my trust, and my relationships. Yet, in each of these God has picked me up and shown me what he wants me to learn in those areas. I wish I could explain in detail how and why that's happening but it's too much for one blog post. So, for now, i'll leave you with the knowledge that God is incredibly faithful even when we aren't.




Update: Since my little flip out over my boss' inability to create a schedule I called her and she fixed it completely. God is amazing.=]


Romans 3:3-4

Loves like a Hurricane, I am a Tree...

So, i'm here and it's FABULOUS. I cannot even begin to tell ya'll what a wonderful time I've had so far. That is to say I have so much to say I have NO idea where to start. So here we go...

I'm living in a condo with 11 other girls. Let me throw that out there again. 12 Girls. 1 Condo. 2 Bathrooms. YEAH. It's gonna get ridiculous as the summer goes on. But, for now at least, it's working out really well. I ADORE my housemates and the girls in my small group. It is going to be a wonderful albeit challenging and draining summer.

So here's a rundown of the last few days:

DAY 1: Move In

I got to enjoy the luxury of waking up at 3am eastern time to hope on a plane that  stopped in Salt Lake at around 10am Central time to get into California at 12:30pm Pacific Time. Yeah. Let's talk about jet lag. Afterwards, well, we moved in, obviously, and got to slowly but surely meet our housemates and do all the fun logistical stuff. OH WAIT. Backtrack. Did I mention that the first thing i did when I got here was ask someone to borrow money? Classic. That's what happens when you fail to calculate cab costs accurately. Some lovely gents helped me moved my stuff up to my apartment and then I just hung out with the girls until we had dinner and an opening welcome meeting/game janx with everyone later that night.

DAY 2: Soul 2 Soul

Wednesday pretty much entirely consisted of more get to know you stuff. I mean really though, let's just relieve our childhood. I'm pretty sure we played every get to know you game I've ever heard of. We spent the afternoon with our DNA groups (small groups basically) sharing our stories. It was INSANE. No matter how many times I do this my reaction is consistently the same: amazed.  Maybe it's because my story isn't too ridiculous. I mean yeah, i've dealt with some stuff but there was never any ridiculous life-changing turn around.  But i've heard some INCREDIBLE stories since being here. It's cool to see people that seem just like you and find out how absurdly different their faith stories are from your own. Trust me when I say that if you can imagine it, i've heard a story about it personally affecting someone I know in the past 4 days.

SIDETRACK-->  today another awesome testimony-sharing time happened in my condo. One of the guys walked up and we were all chatting and he just happened to share his story. Here's this group of 10 college students listening to this guy tell an insane story about running away, drugs and God COMPLETELY being faithful in His pursuit of this guy. Afterwards one of the girls asked if we could pray over one of his friends who is still into some bad stuff and it was just an amazing reminder of how much God has blessed me. Here I am getting to live with people who barely know each other and yet feel comfortable enough to love on one another through prayer. God is GOOD.


DAY 3: Job Search and Evangelizing...


Okay, i'm just gonna go ahead and skip the job search. It wasn't exciting, just tedious. Although I did get to meet an awesome kid from New Mexico (Tess--marry him. ya'll would be perfect, just sayin').


EVANGELIZING-- So I just want to start this off by letting you all know that while I LOVE the idea of telling others about the AWESOME love we have in Christ, I HATE the idea of beach evangelizing. The picture I got in my head was that of people wandering around yelling at others, standing on street corners passing out booklets. All that to say, I have never seen beach evangelizing done well. So, that's sort of what I expected, or at least something similar when I came into it. SURPRISE! (okay that word looks ridiculous when spelled--side note) But that is absolutely NOT the type of evangelizing we're doing. It's actually completely opposite. Yes, we walked around the beach and talked to people, but that's exactly what it was; talking to people. Me and 2 other girls got to go around and the second group of people we walked up to happened to be 2 girls from London (God knows me well=]) and we just sat down and got to chat with them about who they were, their travels, and of course faith! It was an AWESOME conversation and God was absolutely working in those 2 girls lives. One of them (Grace) mentioned that she wanted to start reading the bible and we suggested that she might want to start in John to get a good idea of where Christianity is coming from. How does she respond? Oh, you know, someone just happened to have handed her a Gospel of John. God is amazing right? God is ALWAYS pursuing us, regardless of whether we see it or not and I cannot help but pray that she continues to feel that pursuit in her heart. So if ya'll are throwing out some prayers tonight do a quick one for Grace and Zoe and that God continues to weigh on their hearts and minds. They're amazing girls and i'd love to see them again one day and hear how life went=]


DAY 4: Job Search
I won't bore ya'll with the details of friday...we literally just wandered around San Diego looking for work. Okay, wait we did do a man hunt around San Diego, which, if you haven't done one before just means that the staff dressed up ridiculously and we had to run around the town attempting to find as many as we could.

OVERALL:

Ya'll overall, this has just been a crazy wonderful experience. I've got 2 job interviews lined up and with a little bit of prayer hopefully a 3rd. God is already teaching me so much about who I am and bringing to surface who I try to be.  I came in with a lot of preconceptions both about people and certain aspects of what we were doing and God has just shattered them. I am constantly being made aware of how God is working in my being here, in the girls i've been placed withi in my condo, in the ministry team I was placed on, and in my DNA group. God knows who I am and exactly what I need and that becomes more and more evident everyday. I cannot WAIT to update ya'll as more insanity happens. I love you all!

---also, i just realized I skipped like 2 days....but, i promise nothing spectacularly awesome happened that ya'll need to know about so don't worry about it=]

Psalm 16

Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diago, which of course in German means...

I'M GOING TO SAN DIEGO FOR THE SUMMER!!!!!!!!!!! AGHHH!!! =] Typing does NOT enable me to fully express how ridiculously excited I am to be spending my summer in such a beautiful city. After a fabulous day of gallivanting around the zoo, I got home, packed (it took me an hour....i'm pretty sure that's a new record for long-term packing) and am now FLIPPING EXCITED TO GO! I told you this would happen, didn't I now? =]

Of course there are still some loose ends to tie up. I still need about $600 to have my trip fully paid for and I'm STILL looking for a job (although I do at least have one interview). So, prayers are hitting the roof right now as I attempt to stop stressing and let go of control for a bit. I know God fully knows my needs in this and has a plan for where I'm supposed to be, I've just got to chill out and learn to listen. He's already gotten me this far, right? I mean, I've gotten so much more fundraising support than I thought I would, I'm going on a mission trip I wasn't even considering until January, and i'm in a much better place spiritually at this very moment than I was even 2 days ago. I can barely wrap my mind around how GREAT of a God it takes to be able to use even the last moments before a new adventure in life to work in me and prepare my heart.

So, even with the intermittent stress, I cannot wait to get to San Diego tomorrow and begin getting to know the people i'll be living and working with for the next two months. As Gary Allan would say: "life ain't always beautiful, but it's a beautiful ride."=]

 Jeremiah 29:11

And so it begins...

So here I sit, enjoying the hilarity of MacGruber counterbalanced with the sad insanity of Shutter Island and it still hasn't quite hit that in a little over 48 hours i'll be leaving to start the adventure of a lifetime.

I have NEVER been the type of person to say no to an adventure, and this summer is no exception. I'm getting to spend the summer in one of my favorite places in the world while getting to grow stronger in my faith and meet tons of new people. This mission trip is everything I could possibly want out of an adventure. I'm going to a city I've never been able to fully explore, getting the chance to dive into a group where I won't know anyone, strengthen my faith in unknown ways and last but not least, share the love I passionately believe in with other people.

It's going to be fabulous; but, it hasn't quite hit me yet. Perhaps it's because i'm staying within the U.S., perhaps it's because i'm going somewhere I've been before, or perhaps it's because I have no idea what's in store over the next ten weeks. Whatever the reason behind my current indifference towards the trip, I know that when I finally get my life together i'll realize how insanely life changing this trip is going to be.

I still have a few more days of hanging out home with my family and friends before i'm off on this ridiculous adventure, and i'm sure at some point i'll realize how crazy it is that i'm getting the chance to do this. And i'll be sure to update you all when that happens. (Most likely, the night before when i start flipping out in excitement). But, until then i'll let you enjoy the oh so overwhelming suspense =]

السلام عليكم